1 00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,399 Honey, I'm home. 2 00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:03,693 The universe for 10, Art. 3 00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:06,763 The universe for 10. And the question is: 4 00:01:06,865 --> 00:01:09,999 "How many planets revolve around the Earth?" 5 00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:11,412 One. 6 00:01:11,436 --> 00:01:12,569 Jerry? 7 00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:15,338 None, Art. The Earth and the other planets 8 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,407 revolve around the sun. 9 00:01:17,509 --> 00:01:18,641 Ooh, I'm sorry. 10 00:01:18,743 --> 00:01:20,876 That's incorrect, and it's heresy. 11 00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:24,314 So we take away all your points and we burn you at the stake. 12 00:01:24,416 --> 00:01:26,215 Darn. 13 00:01:26,317 --> 00:01:29,118 Boy. They're really strict on this show. 14 00:01:32,023 --> 00:01:34,791 Hey, where are all the pistachio nuts? 15 00:01:34,893 --> 00:01:38,361 Fran, can you bring some more pistachios in here? 16 00:01:38,463 --> 00:01:39,963 We're all out, Earl. 17 00:01:40,065 --> 00:01:42,698 - What? - That was the last jar. 18 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,635 Fran, I don't ask for much from you, 19 00:01:45,737 --> 00:01:47,904 a clean house, three square meals a day, 20 00:01:48,006 --> 00:01:49,506 gardening, raising the kids, 21 00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,374 a little light plumbing, 22 00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:53,409 scheduled maintenance on the car. 23 00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:55,811 So when I ask you to keep a few pistachios on hand, 24 00:01:55,914 --> 00:02:00,449 I think maybe you could take a little time to get out of your bubble bath 25 00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:02,352 and get down to the market. 26 00:02:02,454 --> 00:02:04,754 The market didn't have any pistachio nuts, Earl. 27 00:02:04,856 --> 00:02:07,923 I even called three other stores. They don't have them either. 28 00:02:08,025 --> 00:02:10,226 You expect me to believe 29 00:02:10,328 --> 00:02:12,362 that for some mysterious reason 30 00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:16,432 there's no more pistachio nuts to be found anywhere? 31 00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:20,437 We interrupt our programming to bring you this DNN Special Report. 32 00:02:20,539 --> 00:02:23,406 Pistachios: Why Aren't There Any To Be Found? 33 00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:25,976 I'm waiting, Fran. 34 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:30,113 Hello, I'm Howard Handupme. 35 00:02:30,215 --> 00:02:32,259 Today the dinosaurs who walk on all fours 36 00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:34,618 encroached on the southeast bank of the great swamp, 37 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,686 which divides our two nations. 38 00:02:36,788 --> 00:02:39,823 This area's home to most of our pistachio nut trees, 39 00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,258 or bushes, or whatever it is they grow on. 40 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,029 Due to this, our flow of pistachios has been cut off indefinitely. 41 00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:50,366 A government spokesman commenting on the situation told us this is no big deal 42 00:02:50,468 --> 00:02:53,369 and will certainly not escalate into anything serious. 43 00:03:00,111 --> 00:03:03,680 Tonight, a sweeping miniseries of epic proportions. 44 00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:06,315 One family caught up in the turbulent winds 45 00:03:06,417 --> 00:03:08,952 of prehistory's greatest conflict, 46 00:03:09,054 --> 00:03:12,455 featuring a cast of 11 and shot entirely on location 47 00:03:12,557 --> 00:03:15,892 in one really big sound stage at a cost of, well, 48 00:03:15,994 --> 00:03:18,527 a lot more than we thought when we first started. 49 00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:21,297 For the first time on network television. 50 00:03:21,399 --> 00:03:23,766 Nuts to War. 51 00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:29,939 Starring Earl "Pug" Sinclair, 52 00:03:32,143 --> 00:03:34,944 Robbie "The Rebel" Sinclair. 53 00:03:37,749 --> 00:03:42,284 Special appearance by Baby "$29.95" Sinclair, 54 00:03:42,386 --> 00:03:45,254 Charlene "Gimme" Sinclair 55 00:03:47,525 --> 00:03:51,293 and Fran Sinclair as "The Mama." 56 00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:05,008 Part One: Nuts in Jeopardy. 57 00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:07,255 All right, we'll just eat pecans for a while. 58 00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:11,180 Pecans? Everyone knows pecans are a baking nut. 59 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,116 They're hardly suited to snacking. 60 00:04:13,218 --> 00:04:14,551 All right, then cashews. 61 00:04:14,653 --> 00:04:18,254 Cashews come already shelled. Where's the challenge in that? 62 00:04:18,356 --> 00:04:20,956 Why should I compromise on my snacking needs? 63 00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:23,893 Dad, Dad, you're talking about nuts. 64 00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:27,464 If you take a minute to think about it, you'll see it's no big deal. 65 00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:30,132 They are threatening our very way of life! 66 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,601 It's naked aggression, pure and simple. 67 00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:36,473 - Then we got to get naked right back at 'em. - Yeah. 68 00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:40,944 Now take that, you four-legged nut grabber! 69 00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:43,046 Wow, I've never seen you so fired up, Earl. 70 00:04:43,081 --> 00:04:45,715 Yeah, well, no one has ever cut off my pistachios before. 71 00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:49,652 Eat bark, you quad-pods! 72 00:04:52,390 --> 00:04:56,960 Hey, hey, guys, you know why four-leggers wear hats? 73 00:04:57,061 --> 00:04:57,961 No. Why? 74 00:04:58,062 --> 00:05:00,930 So their wives know which end to kiss. 75 00:05:02,767 --> 00:05:06,235 Hey, guys, you know why four-leggers can't rob a bank? 76 00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:09,339 - Why? - Because they're unarmed. 77 00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:13,876 - Hey, you know what the latest news is? - No, why? 78 00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:18,581 I read pistachios are gonna be 50 cents more a pound. 79 00:05:18,683 --> 00:05:22,385 Fifty cents! You guys slay me! 80 00:05:23,722 --> 00:05:26,722 - Wake up. - Roy, it's not a joke. 81 00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:28,424 Fifty cents a pound? 82 00:05:28,526 --> 00:05:30,460 - Well, I won't pay it! - No. 83 00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,194 That's an increase of... 84 00:05:33,531 --> 00:05:36,131 Well, actually, Fran does the shopping. 85 00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:39,902 I also read the elder-in-chief's considering nationwide nut rationing. 86 00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:42,471 Yeah, he's gonna make a speech about it at 10:00. 87 00:05:42,573 --> 00:05:46,109 Hey, do you think Mr. Richfield will let us watch it on his TV? 88 00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,411 Come on. In times of crisis like this, 89 00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:51,314 everyone forgets their differences and comes together. 90 00:05:51,416 --> 00:05:53,160 - Come on, let's go! - Yeah! Come on. 91 00:05:53,184 --> 00:05:55,484 What's this, a strike? 92 00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:57,053 - No. - No. 93 00:05:57,155 --> 00:05:59,555 That's it, you lousy green trash, you're fired! 94 00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:02,358 Uh, sir, we were wondering if you were gonna watch 95 00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:05,227 the chief elder's speech on the TV. 96 00:06:05,330 --> 00:06:09,065 Well, since this affects your snacks as much as mine, all right. 97 00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:13,002 It's the least I can do after blowing your pension fund at the track. 98 00:06:13,104 --> 00:06:14,581 - Hmm? - Oh! 99 00:06:14,605 --> 00:06:18,307 And now a message from our elder-in-chief. 100 00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:20,643 - Hi. - Hi. 101 00:06:20,745 --> 00:06:23,212 As you know the dinosaurs who walk on all fours 102 00:06:23,314 --> 00:06:26,149 have invaded our swamp and seized our pistachios. 103 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:29,351 Now, I know a lot of you are upset about the nuts, 104 00:06:29,453 --> 00:06:31,320 but this is not about nuts. 105 00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:33,389 This is bigger than nuts, 106 00:06:33,491 --> 00:06:35,324 bigger than all snack foods. 107 00:06:35,426 --> 00:06:38,194 - This is about principle... - Mm-hmm, right. 108 00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:40,830 About justice, about truth. 109 00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:43,266 It's a complex issue, but luckily, 110 00:06:43,368 --> 00:06:47,236 can be boiled down to a simple slogan: 111 00:06:48,239 --> 00:06:49,705 "We Are Right." 112 00:06:49,808 --> 00:06:51,586 - That's catchy! - Easy to pronounce. 113 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:53,009 And comforting too. 114 00:06:53,111 --> 00:06:56,179 The time has come for bold and decisive action. 115 00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:59,615 And so, today, we launch Operation "We Are Right." 116 00:06:59,717 --> 00:07:04,153 Tomorrow we'll select a bunch of big, strong guys to go down to that swamp 117 00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:08,491 and hiss and spit at those four-leggers until they go away. 118 00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:09,925 Now, who's with me? 119 00:07:10,028 --> 00:07:13,095 Well, uh... 120 00:07:13,197 --> 00:07:15,564 Naturally, I'm not talking about sending 121 00:07:15,666 --> 00:07:17,200 productive members of society. 122 00:07:17,302 --> 00:07:19,902 It'll be mostly teenage boys and the poor. 123 00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:22,905 Oh, good. This just affects our kids. 124 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,941 - Glad I voted for him. - Yeah. 125 00:07:25,043 --> 00:07:26,309 Our cause is just, 126 00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:27,910 our duty is clear 127 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,145 and our mouths overflow 128 00:07:29,247 --> 00:07:31,714 with the spittle of righteousness. 129 00:07:31,816 --> 00:07:36,319 Please join me in praying for the safe and dry return 130 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,387 of our boys. 131 00:07:38,489 --> 00:07:40,356 Oh, sure. 132 00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:41,524 Oh, brother. 133 00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:44,394 - Oh, what a leader. - He's no wimp. 134 00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:48,364 Yeah. What a great distraction from complicated domestic issues. 135 00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:49,532 Yep. 136 00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:53,102 Gentlemen, today's a day of celebration. 137 00:07:53,204 --> 00:07:54,724 - Yeah. - Yeah. 138 00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:56,906 I'm going to tie one on. 139 00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:58,528 - What a boss! - Hey! 140 00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,109 Your four, get back to work! 141 00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:01,311 Oh, right, right. 142 00:08:01,412 --> 00:08:03,892 I'm going, I'm going. 143 00:08:06,818 --> 00:08:09,252 - Did you finish your juice? - Uh-huh. 144 00:08:09,354 --> 00:08:11,987 Ah, then you can have a yummy. 145 00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:14,890 Caveman cracker! Yay! 146 00:08:14,992 --> 00:08:16,926 - Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. - There. 147 00:08:17,028 --> 00:08:19,462 - Now, what do you say? - More! 148 00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,630 - No, that's not it. - Um... 149 00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:25,201 Come on. You know what to say. 150 00:08:25,303 --> 00:08:27,136 I'm waiting for the magic word. 151 00:08:27,238 --> 00:08:28,338 Gimme! 152 00:08:30,308 --> 00:08:31,507 What's the magic word? 153 00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:33,175 Why? You don't know it either? 154 00:08:33,277 --> 00:08:35,645 I know it, and so do you. 155 00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,049 Heh! 156 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:42,318 Waah! 157 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:45,187 No. Crying isn't going to help. 158 00:08:45,289 --> 00:08:46,889 My cookie's gone! 159 00:08:46,991 --> 00:08:48,224 Because you ate it. 160 00:08:48,326 --> 00:08:50,059 No! The cookie creature took it. 161 00:08:50,161 --> 00:08:53,496 Oh, right. A cookie creature took it. 162 00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:55,664 Don't talk down to me! 163 00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:58,467 This is between you and the cookie creature, 164 00:08:58,569 --> 00:09:00,702 so you two will have to work it out. 165 00:09:00,805 --> 00:09:03,606 Oh, well, thanks for nothing. 166 00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:12,281 Honey, I'm home. 167 00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:14,684 Oh, Earl, did you hear the elder's speech? 168 00:09:14,786 --> 00:09:17,687 Hey, what a leader. Did you see how fast he made up that slogan? 169 00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:20,133 Yes. I think everything's happening awfully fast. 170 00:09:20,157 --> 00:09:24,027 Robbie's already been called down to the selective service office. 171 00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:27,408 And soon they'll be shipping him off to some foreign swamp somewhere. 172 00:09:27,432 --> 00:09:31,367 Please, sweetheart. Don't you think our elder-in-chief hasn't thought this through? 173 00:09:31,469 --> 00:09:35,404 You think he'd rush headlong into a flashy and macho display of aggression 174 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:38,941 in an election year? Where's the logic in that? 175 00:09:39,043 --> 00:09:41,722 But Earl, you know what happens when males get together 176 00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,412 and start posturing. 177 00:09:43,514 --> 00:09:47,550 I'm just afraid this "We Are Right" thing could get out of hand. 178 00:09:47,652 --> 00:09:50,453 They're just going to be doing a little hissing and spitting. 179 00:09:50,555 --> 00:09:51,921 This is our government. 180 00:09:52,023 --> 00:09:55,325 I think our government knows what it's doing. 181 00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:59,829 Wouldn't it be better if we dress like trees and bushes to blend in? 182 00:09:59,931 --> 00:10:01,464 You're thinking too hard, Scooter. 183 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:05,401 Let's just get up to the front and let the loogies fly. 184 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,936 Just look at him. 185 00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:10,807 - Ready to strike terror into the hearts of the enemy. - Dad... 186 00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:12,686 I like the cut of your blouse, soldier. 187 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:15,611 - I look like an idiot. - Son, have some respect. 188 00:10:15,713 --> 00:10:20,549 That uniform was designed by the elder-in-chief's unmarried brother Julian. 189 00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:22,485 - Yeah... - OK. Now... 190 00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:25,287 Everybody say "victory." 191 00:10:25,389 --> 00:10:28,591 - Negotiation. - What kind of talk is that? 192 00:10:28,693 --> 00:10:31,733 I'm just asking if anybody's tried talking to the other side 193 00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:33,774 before we all get whipped into hysteria? 194 00:10:33,798 --> 00:10:37,433 Hey, in situations like this, the only rational response is hysteria. 195 00:10:37,535 --> 00:10:41,770 Now get your green butt down to the swamp and do your duty. 196 00:10:41,872 --> 00:10:44,573 Ours is not to reason why, Scooter. 197 00:10:44,675 --> 00:10:47,176 Say your goodbyes. We got to get a move on. 198 00:10:47,278 --> 00:10:48,677 You have to go now? 199 00:10:48,779 --> 00:10:52,782 Sorry. We gotta get out there and kick some four-footed fanny. 200 00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:54,850 That's what I like to hear. 201 00:10:58,522 --> 00:11:00,089 Well, this is it, boys. 202 00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:01,824 - Now, Robbie, - Huh? 203 00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:04,627 I don't mind you spitting for a good cause, 204 00:11:04,729 --> 00:11:06,929 but if they start shoving and using foul language, 205 00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:11,000 I want you to call us... then go stand in front of the battlefield 206 00:11:11,102 --> 00:11:12,434 and we'll pick you up. 207 00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:14,771 - Mom... - Oh... 208 00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:18,341 Oh! 209 00:11:18,442 --> 00:11:21,577 Mom, don't worry. I'll be all right. 210 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,380 Good luck, boys! Give them one for me! 211 00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:26,181 - Will do. - Good lads. 212 00:11:26,283 --> 00:11:29,519 Fran, our cause is just. 213 00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,987 No harm can come to him 214 00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:34,323 as long as he wears our flag on his uniform. 215 00:11:44,102 --> 00:11:45,435 Goodbye, Mom. Bye, Dad. 216 00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:47,770 - Goodbye, son. - Come on. 217 00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:51,207 Stay dry! 218 00:11:52,077 --> 00:11:54,210 Make us proud, boys! 219 00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:23,940 And now here's DNN correspondent Howard Handupme. 220 00:12:25,209 --> 00:12:27,342 Good evening. I'm Howard Handupme. 221 00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:30,546 Today our troops saw their first hissing and spitting action, 222 00:12:30,648 --> 00:12:33,549 turning back an advanced squad of evil four-leggers, 223 00:12:33,651 --> 00:12:36,018 proving just how right we really are. 224 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,120 We have this videotape of today's action, 225 00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:41,590 but our friends in the military thought it might be too disturbing 226 00:12:41,692 --> 00:12:42,925 to show at dinnertime. 227 00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:45,005 Disturbing? What does that mean? 228 00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:46,729 You know what boys are like. 229 00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,598 One of them probably mooned the camera. 230 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,300 So instead of actual footage, 231 00:12:51,402 --> 00:12:53,835 we now offer this dramatic recreation. 232 00:12:53,938 --> 00:12:57,072 The day began with intense saturation spitting, 233 00:12:57,174 --> 00:13:03,246 with the sky sometimes dark from all the hock-tooeys flying back and forth. 234 00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:05,548 Take that, you four-legged pansy! 235 00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:08,750 Oh, no, I'm a weak sissy compared to you. 236 00:13:08,852 --> 00:13:10,386 I'll run away to my mommy. 237 00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:13,199 You'd better, because there's more where that came from! 238 00:13:13,223 --> 00:13:15,624 The battle went a lot like that. 239 00:13:15,726 --> 00:13:16,959 Hmm. 240 00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:22,365 Cookie creature, I've got something for you. 241 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,800 It's yummy! 242 00:13:24,902 --> 00:13:28,971 I'm not paying attention. 243 00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:33,142 What's that? 244 00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:36,578 Hot! Don't touch! 245 00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:41,717 Aah! 246 00:13:41,819 --> 00:13:44,259 What are you doing here? You must want a bath. 247 00:13:44,321 --> 00:13:47,456 No, no, no! No bath, Mama! No bath! 248 00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:49,157 No, no! Oh... 249 00:13:54,132 --> 00:13:56,732 He's dead meat. 250 00:13:56,834 --> 00:14:00,002 Mom, Grandma, there's good news from the front. 251 00:14:00,104 --> 00:14:01,682 Is it something about Robbie? 252 00:14:01,706 --> 00:14:03,072 Robbie again. 253 00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:06,241 All you're ever interested in is Robbie. Robbie, Robbie... 254 00:14:06,343 --> 00:14:08,444 - Charlene! - All right. 255 00:14:08,546 --> 00:14:10,779 They want girls to go entertain the troops, 256 00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:13,282 and they picked me to be one of them! 257 00:14:13,384 --> 00:14:15,551 We're gonna do a big musical show at the front. 258 00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:16,863 Isn't that dangerous? 259 00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:19,288 Well, it's true most musicals do fail, 260 00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:22,958 but we've got some great songs... and costumes. 261 00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:24,693 - See? - Mmm. 262 00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:27,997 Yeah. What does USO stand for? 263 00:14:28,099 --> 00:14:31,167 The Uninhibited Sisters of Other Guys. 264 00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:35,604 We're going to bring a little bit of good old home to a lot of lonely kids out there, 265 00:14:35,706 --> 00:14:37,183 and I get to be out of school! 266 00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:39,741 - Lonely kids. - La-la! 267 00:14:39,843 --> 00:14:43,345 Those poor boys so far from home. 268 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,747 Don't worry, Frannie. 269 00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:48,117 The whole nation's praying for their safe return. 270 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:50,130 In these difficult times, 271 00:14:50,154 --> 00:14:53,522 with our sons away fighting for all we hold sacred, 272 00:14:53,624 --> 00:14:57,026 we here on the home front must summon our courage, pray for our boys 273 00:14:57,128 --> 00:14:59,194 and through it all we must stick together. 274 00:14:59,296 --> 00:15:01,463 And when you need things to stick together, 275 00:15:01,565 --> 00:15:02,864 think of Wacky Glue! 276 00:15:02,966 --> 00:15:05,267 Whether it's wood, plastic, porcelain or glass, 277 00:15:05,369 --> 00:15:07,336 Wacky Glue bonds instantly and permanently. 278 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:10,639 Wacky Glue: the official adhesive of Operation "We Are Right." 279 00:15:10,741 --> 00:15:13,909 I'm Major Savings. 280 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:15,210 I'm Major Values. 281 00:15:15,312 --> 00:15:17,379 And we both support our troops 282 00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:20,949 by battling high prices at Stan's House of Stereo. 283 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:24,031 Remember, no poor son of a gun ever saved money by buying retail. 284 00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:27,289 He saved money by making the other poor son of a gun buy retail. 285 00:15:27,391 --> 00:15:30,025 So march on down to Stan's House of Stereo. 286 00:15:30,127 --> 00:15:31,927 And that's an order! 287 00:15:35,265 --> 00:15:40,135 Mom? Do you ever feel, you know... not patriotic? 288 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:46,275 It bothers me that these commercials are trivializing something so serious. 289 00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:48,778 Hmm. Well, nobody's really stupid enough 290 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,680 to fall for that tacky commercialization. 291 00:15:51,782 --> 00:15:53,882 Hey, Frannie, look at all this neat stuff 292 00:15:53,984 --> 00:15:55,824 they're selling on the streets. 293 00:15:55,853 --> 00:15:58,153 Earl, don't you think that's in poor taste? 294 00:15:58,255 --> 00:15:59,888 What do you mean, poor taste? 295 00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:03,425 This thing lights up. Nice, huh? 296 00:16:05,362 --> 00:16:08,230 Did I miss the battle highlights? 297 00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:12,467 Oh, I hope Robbie's out on the front line where the cameras are. 298 00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:14,903 Our leaders are extremely optimistic, 299 00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:18,107 as everything proceeds exactly according to plan. 300 00:16:18,209 --> 00:16:21,376 I've just been handed a battle update. 301 00:16:21,478 --> 00:16:23,212 - Oh. - Hmm. 302 00:16:23,314 --> 00:16:26,615 Oh, no! This can't be. 303 00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:30,552 Dear God in heaven, say it isn't so! 304 00:16:30,654 --> 00:16:32,388 Please, no! 305 00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:36,958 It's nothing. Everything's fine. 306 00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:38,994 Now here's Dwayne with sports. 307 00:16:39,096 --> 00:16:42,130 What happened? It was something bad, wasn't it? 308 00:16:42,232 --> 00:16:45,000 Why aren't they telling us what's going on? 309 00:16:49,773 --> 00:16:53,742 I tried to enlist, but they wouldn't take me because I can't salute. 310 00:16:53,844 --> 00:16:55,144 Tough break. 311 00:16:55,246 --> 00:16:58,414 Boy, I'd be there in a second if I wasn't badly needed 312 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:00,082 in the civilian sector. 313 00:17:00,184 --> 00:17:01,317 Danish, anyone? 314 00:17:01,419 --> 00:17:03,752 Hey, guys, it's not that I don't blindly believe 315 00:17:03,854 --> 00:17:05,454 all our government's saying, 316 00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:07,990 but what do you think of the news blackout all of a sudden? 317 00:17:08,092 --> 00:17:09,703 What are you saying, Earl? 318 00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,960 I'm just saying that after all the good news, 319 00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:14,007 all of a sudden they're not telling us anything. 320 00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:17,799 You don't suppose the other side has hissing and spitting superiority? 321 00:17:17,901 --> 00:17:19,212 What are you saying, Earl? 322 00:17:19,236 --> 00:17:21,637 Yeah. I hear our side's gonna start throwing sticks. 323 00:17:21,739 --> 00:17:24,372 Sticks? Somebody could lose an eye. 324 00:17:24,475 --> 00:17:26,019 What are you saying there, Earl? 325 00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:29,111 You got a problem with our government policies, Sinclair? 326 00:17:29,213 --> 00:17:31,813 - No, no, I was just thinking... - Thinking? 327 00:17:31,915 --> 00:17:33,816 Hey, if everyone sat around thinking, 328 00:17:33,918 --> 00:17:36,952 we'd never get an operation like this off the ground. 329 00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:39,788 Of course, maybe you'd like that, eh, Sinclair? 330 00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:44,426 Yeah, you don't by any chance walk around on all fours at home? 331 00:17:44,528 --> 00:17:46,061 Let's see your palms. 332 00:17:46,163 --> 00:17:50,599 - When you buy socks, how many are in a pack? - Answer him. 333 00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:53,702 Hey, guys, Earl's no quad lover. 334 00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:55,771 He's got a boy at the front. 335 00:17:55,873 --> 00:17:58,440 Tell them, Earl. You're not thinking things. 336 00:17:58,542 --> 00:18:01,209 There's nothing going on in that head of yours. 337 00:18:01,311 --> 00:18:05,313 No. Hey, guys, you know me. I'm the last person to start thinking. 338 00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:08,917 So, you still believe we are right, don't you, Earl? 339 00:18:09,019 --> 00:18:10,486 Of course I do. 340 00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:13,308 - All right. - Yeah. Thousand points of light. 341 00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,823 So, Earl, Danish, 342 00:18:14,925 --> 00:18:16,492 or not? 343 00:18:16,594 --> 00:18:18,060 Oh... 344 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,134 What's everybody else having? 345 00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:26,836 - Ah! - Ah! 346 00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:28,604 Good fella. 347 00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:36,745 - There. Perfect. - Oh. 348 00:18:38,983 --> 00:18:40,649 Ma, I'll be fine. 349 00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:44,853 It's just that first Robbie goes off, now you. 350 00:18:44,955 --> 00:18:48,857 It's hard for a mother to get used to her children being spit on. 351 00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:51,037 Fran, I'm sure the girls will be just fine. 352 00:18:51,061 --> 00:18:52,695 Yeah, yeah. 353 00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:54,730 Hey, hold the phone. 354 00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:57,066 What's that four-legger doing in my house? 355 00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:59,268 I just came in for a cup of coffee. 356 00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:02,404 Oh, a cup of classified military secrets, more like it. 357 00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:04,806 Hey, Roy, check her necklace for microphones. 358 00:19:04,908 --> 00:19:06,152 OK. 359 00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:07,509 Hi, Roy. 360 00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:09,278 Uh... heh heh. 361 00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:11,179 Yeah. Uh... uh... 362 00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:15,918 Um, this puts me in a bit of a quandary, pally-boy. 363 00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:18,821 Monica might be an enemy of the state, 364 00:19:18,923 --> 00:19:22,124 but I got a crush on her big time. 365 00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:24,887 Earl, you're overreacting. Monica's our friend. 366 00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:25,294 Yeah. 367 00:19:25,396 --> 00:19:29,498 Count her legs, Fran. They spell enemy-e! 368 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,634 Earl, I have lived on this side of the swamp since I was 12. 369 00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:35,004 Oh, sure, gathering intelligence for the enemy. 370 00:19:35,106 --> 00:19:37,684 - Well, you won't find any intelligence here! - Nope. 371 00:19:37,708 --> 00:19:39,586 I am insulted and offended 372 00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:42,010 that you could even question my allegiance. 373 00:19:42,046 --> 00:19:45,214 Oh, then I guess you wouldn't mind taking a little loyalty oath. 374 00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:47,916 - What sort of oath? - Oh, it's very simple. 375 00:19:48,018 --> 00:19:49,217 Raise your right hand. 376 00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:51,231 I don't have a right hand. 377 00:19:51,255 --> 00:19:53,822 Well, what do you know? 378 00:19:53,924 --> 00:19:58,260 And now, a DNN Special Report, Live: From the Front. 379 00:19:59,897 --> 00:20:02,398 Welcome to the first press briefing 380 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,167 of Operation "We Are Right." 381 00:20:05,269 --> 00:20:09,371 We'll start by opening up the floor to questions. Feel free to ask anything. 382 00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:11,251 It is important that you feel 383 00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:13,875 there is open and honest communication 384 00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:16,245 with the military. 385 00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:17,412 Yes? 386 00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:18,795 Sir, over here! 387 00:20:18,849 --> 00:20:20,115 How's our side doing, sir? 388 00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:22,618 - That was not on the list! - Oh! 389 00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:26,021 Oh, sorry, sir. How about, uh... number three? 390 00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:30,558 Excellent question. Are we pleased by how well our troops are performing? 391 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:32,761 The answer: yes! 392 00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:34,630 - Great! - That's better. 393 00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:38,700 - Next question. - Please don't construe this as being in any way critical, 394 00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:42,070 but is there a way to shorten the slogan "We Are Right"? 395 00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:44,439 We have to write it down a lot. 396 00:20:44,541 --> 00:20:45,841 Could we just call it W-A-R? 397 00:20:45,943 --> 00:20:48,543 How would you pronounce a thing like that? 398 00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:51,613 Well, I guess it would be... "whar." 399 00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:55,083 No, no, no. It would be "wayr." 400 00:20:55,185 --> 00:20:57,185 "Waar." "Whaar." 401 00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:04,827 General, you said there's been no escalation in the fighting, 402 00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:07,229 yet we have a videotape here 403 00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:10,599 showing the use of dirt clods on the battlefield! 404 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:13,302 - Whoa. - They're throwing dirt clods? 405 00:21:13,404 --> 00:21:16,938 Well, let 'em. Our boys are going to be throwing sticks. 406 00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,841 - Sticks? - Clam up. 407 00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:21,009 Huh? What? 408 00:21:21,111 --> 00:21:22,844 Someone could put out an eye! 409 00:21:22,946 --> 00:21:24,858 This whole thing's gotten way out of hand. 410 00:21:24,882 --> 00:21:28,416 Earl, I want you to go to the front and bring Robbie home. 411 00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:31,687 Are you kidding? I can't go up there. 412 00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:34,156 Why not? Our son is in danger. 413 00:21:34,258 --> 00:21:36,592 Frannie, it's a military operation. 414 00:21:36,693 --> 00:21:41,396 No one's allowed up there, no mommies, no daddies. Just soldiers. 415 00:21:41,499 --> 00:21:46,334 - And USO girls, like me. - Hmm. 416 00:21:50,407 --> 00:21:57,579 - This is humiliating. - Well, sure. It's your first time. 417 00:21:57,681 --> 00:22:01,883 Next week, Dinosaurs' epic miniseries continues. 418 00:22:01,985 --> 00:22:04,686 As their lives are plunged even deeper 419 00:22:04,788 --> 00:22:07,389 into the swirling vortex of war, 420 00:22:07,491 --> 00:22:09,891 each member of the Sinclair family 421 00:22:09,993 --> 00:22:11,760 struggles to maintain sanity 422 00:22:11,862 --> 00:22:14,396 in a world gone mad.